We crave what we eat. Case in point: the last 16 or so hours.
Yesterday was Valentine's Day and I wanted to make something special for Brian. We are going out of town this weekend and I knew we would be eating out and spending money so, I planned a nice evening in with candle-lit comfort foods, slow dancing in the living room and decadent dessert. It was so great! So wonderful in fact that beside the point that I had to make everything and clean it up- it won hands down over going out for an over-priced, crowded dinner at a restaurant. I really didn't mind making everything and cleaning up just not sure I want to do it every year.... but we both really enjoyed it. I had taken a recipe off the internet several months ago for Rigatoni with Chicken Sausage and Spicy Vodka Sauce and was holding onto it for a special occasion because it had heavy cream and cheese and sausage and it was well... "special" since I really try to feed us healthy most of the time, but I thought "hey it's V-Day, so why not??" and it was DELISH!! Well worth the wait. Only one problem; I havent been able to get my eating back under control since we ate it last night at seven o'clock.
I couldn't stop eating it. The whole time frame I was cleaning up, putting the left overs in the frig, ect ect..I was picking at it. Then at 10 pm it was calling my name so I heated up a bowlful and ate it again. Even this morning I was seriously contemplating over whether I should eat it for breakfast.... (really)... instead I ended up eating two pieces of thin pumpernickel bread with whipped butter. That sounds like victory but it is only 11:30 a.m. and I have also eaten a piece of homemade pumpkin- cranberry- sunflower bread and a bowl of Weight Watchers Spicy Mac and Cheese... so yeah, I didn't really gain an ounce of victory over it. I am thinking in hindsight that I should of just ate the stupid pasta that I originally wanted and been full.....
*Insert heavy (no pun intended) sigh here*
Thankfully I am headed to Turnstone to chase preschoolers for 3 hrs so it should break the cycle and I have Zumba tonight so I am hoping to burn some extra calories off BUT the fact of the matter is that carbs are a HUGE trigger for me. HUGE. And if I am going to indulge I have to get a different strategy for how I am going to handle the following 24 hrs. because I am NOT a believer in never enjoying the things I like ever ever again just because I am constantly in a battle with my blue jeans- there has to be a balance. But I can't deny the fact that what I eat certainly triggers a chain of events that can lead to disaster. Like gaining back the one pound I actually lost last week and between you and me: I was not brave enough to get on the scale this morning. I just couldn't do it.
In this chapter, Lysa talk's about triggers and what some of her battles have been, and she can certainly relate. She states that Dictionary.com defines the word "craving" as meaning something you long for greatly, desire eagerly and beg for. I have to admit that in light of that particular definition, it makes my last battle with the pasta, pretty pathetic- even to someone with Italian blood in their veins.
Psalm 84:1-2 says "How lovely is your dwelling place, O Lord Almighty! My soul yearns, even faints for the courts of the Lord; and my heart and flesh cry out for the living God" now THAT is the kind of yearning I want to have and brag about... not some creamy, spiced up Valentine's dish. (Even if it was utterly divine) I want to crave, yearn, long for the things of the Lord instead. Beg to be in His presence. Hunger for His word. I do get there sometimes. Especially when I am having a crazy busy week and my devotional time is brief or non- existent- I will actually long to come into the presence of my Saviour and just relax in that moment. I know some of you have been battling with that too- just missing your devotional time with Him. It's something that can easily get overlooked because we are so busy in this life and I get that.... I am guilty of that too and I don't work or have little ones around every day. But the fact of the matter is that we will only crave what we have tasted; just like me and the carbs. It's impossible to miss something you have never experienced. This is why it is so hard to explain Christianity to anyone who doesn't confess to be one or hasn't had the experiences with it that we have had... there is nothing to compare it to. It starts out as a longing for most of us or a feeling that something is missing (often referred to as the God Void). People want to say, "Well that is fine for you but I don't need that to live a happy life." The only thing is that really experiencing God in all His fullness is like getting that very first taste of something decadent. You don't know how really GOOD it is because you have never tasted!! And having a regular devotional time to sit, reflect, pray and read is like getting another bite. It's when we say, "Oh- now I remember why I love this so much! It is just so DELICIOUS!" So sweet. So comforting. So satisfying. And just like that cold bowl of leftover pasta called my name at 10 o'clock last night- the Holy Spirit will whisper into your spirit filling it with the longing that only one thing can satisfy.
Oh, we can sometimes silence those longings too... just like deciding to stay away from sugar while you try and get healthier. We stay home from church because we don't need a building to be a Christian. We stop reading our bible because all in all most of us have read it through at least once or twice. We stop having a daily quiet time because we are just too busy and then soon... we loose our craving because the taste has gone stale in our mouth. Do you have to do those things to be a Christian?? Of course not, but it sure makes it easier. Think about this. If you desire to pursue a relationship with someone what do you do? You spend time with them and you learn their interests. Why? Because that is how you get to know what means the most to them and caring about that is caring about them. You get to know their family because that is where they come from. Their family usually knows what makes them tick and you are interested in that because you are interested in them. You are right about the church. The disciples didnt belong to the First United Church of Tyrus. And they were too busy writing and living out the bible so they most likely didn't have a daily devotional time either. But for us. YOU and ME. Jesus wasn't born in our family's lifetime and babysat our kids. We have to seek out information if we want to have a relationship with Him. We need to attend church, not because it is full of perfect people that have all the answers- but because it is full of imperfect people that are striving to find them, just like we are. You see, we weren't created to do anything alone. God set it up so we would have to form realtionship to form a family. I used to tell the youth group that God could have chosen any way He pleased to repopulate the earth- He CHOSE the family unit. Parents, kids, grandparents, cousins. Why? So we would practice all the ins and outs of relationship and eventually pursue one with Him. He loves relationship! Even wolves mate for life and look how much your dog loves you. I feel like this is one of the strongest proofs of creation versus evolution- though I do believe that there were some things that evolved over time. You can Big Bang an atom into existence but not a personality. You might be able to create an embryo in a petri dish but where did the way that little fella loves his Mama come from?? Things can be created but feelings, emotion, compassion... THAT is an entirely different story. Those could only come from the hand of a God that knew we would need them. A God that created us to want relationship with others and with Him. The very one that put inside us that ability to crave. Desire. Long for. Beg for. He was just hoping beyond hope that we would choose Him to turn that craving towards, and it's that sweet choice that seperates us from all other living things, because we are the ones He wants relationship with.
One of my all time favorite scriptures is (New Living Translation) Psalm 27: 8 "My heart has heard you say-Come and talk with me! And my heart responds, Lord I am coming."
The biggest difference is that the essence of my God craving comes from my heart- and the essence of my pasta craving from my stomach.... or something like that. My heart craves for its time with God, but I have to willingly make the choice to give in to that and I am not proud to confess that at times that craving isn't as loud as the other one and often it is because I don't readily feed it.
We have these DVD's in the house that the little Grand Girls just love. They are called Praise Baby . They are a series of worship songs set to fun music with lots of pictures and activity of things that little ones like. Even our oldest granddaughter; Lucy, will dance and sing if there is one playing. The youngest, Leah is now getting to the age where she knows what the box looks like and she will waddle over to the shelf and get them out and bring them to me. Among all the other dvds, she knows them. I have tried to presuade her otherwise and it doesn't work, believe me. What is the draw?? Jesus. It is IN us to worship. The bible says that God has to be worshipped and if we didn't do it, the rocks would cry out. You should see the little girls faces when the familiar music starts; they LIGHT UP!
Sage (the 2 yr old) will clasp her hands together and say "Here it comes Gigi!! Here it comes!!" How happy those words from an excited toddler must make a God who longs to be craved by us.
Thanks to Praise Baby-in this house at least, the rocks don't stand a chance.
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