Glenda the Good Witch

"The masses are always wrong. In every generation the number of the righteous is small- be sure you are among them." -A.W. Tozer

 

This far into my blog I can almost be certain there are a couple of things that people are thinking.

One is "That poor girl. Doesn't she realize that God loves her just the way she is??" And two: "I am more than just a size in my jeans! I am proud to be a WOMAN!!"

Lysa TerKeurst ; the author of Made to Crave says that she has had mixed reactions to her book. She has had a couple women approach her at venues where she was a speaker and verbally rake her over the coals for basically reducing her struggles to a weight issue (which if you really read her book you soon find out that isn't true). Lysa is much nicer then I am because she very graciously listens to their concerns and then tries to reassure them that she realizes that she is worth more than her jean size, Me- on the other hand, I would say this:

"How very spiritual of you. You must be very proud to be so much further along in your journey than I am…."

Seriously.

If you can honestly say you have never dreaded stepping on the scale in the doctor's office, I salute you. I have a confession to make…. I haven't went back to the ob/gyn for my yearly exams since I gained my weight back. I just cannot get on that scale and see those numbers again. A little while back one of the women in my church overheard me say that I hadn't had a mammogram in a couple years. She thought that was irresponsibly ridiculous and told me so. It is, but I can't bring myself to go to the dr. which is how you get the referral to get a mammogram. I used to go to a really intense family doctor that practiced a lot of holistic medicine but I had to quit going to him because he wanted you to come back all the time (all the time) and I just can't get on the scale in front of someone else that much. Now I know that no one there was judging me. BUT- I can't get past it in my own head. This same doctor told me once that everyone has different balancing points their body shifts to as they age and everyone's metabolism is different, so it's not like he made me feel bad…. Still, I had to change doctors to somebody that was cool with not seeing me unless I had the flu. And even at that I am hoping that I have dropped a couple pounds from being sick before I go.

I still look at my feet and pray the nurse doesn't say my weight out loud.

If you have never felt like that then I am so happy for you. But I bet there are more people in my camp then yours.

Of course you also have the other side of the coin too-the people that lament over being 3.2 lbs. over their ideal body weight. And feel the need to tell everyone… yeah, THOSE people.

"I have got to get to the gym, I am just not comfortable weighing 115! I need to be 110 to feel healthy."

For real? Get over yourself.

Or the people that feel like they have to be everyone else's Calorie Police: "To Protect from Cellulite and to Serve Low Fat Yogurt!!" Gag. We don't care how many points you have eaten today. Some information doesn't need to be shared.

But here is the thing… nobody thinks one iota about anyone else's feelings. I know that I have been guilty of it myself. I look back on times when I was on speaking terms with my scale and I talked about it too. I would like to think that I was slightly more sensitive given my history, but I can't be sure. We are so prideful when it comes to our own vanity. The bible says that before satan fell he was the most beautiful angel in all of heaven. That is where the saying, "Pride comes before the fall" originated. Pride is our worst enemy.

A long time ago I had a girlfriend that I did lots of things with. This friend knew a lot about my struggles with my eating disorder, self-image, ect. Not everything, nobody did back then- not even Brian, but she knew enough. Every time we would do things together, Brian would say it took me days to recover. He couldn't tell me I was beautiful or even be "frisky" because I would feel so bad about myself after our encounters, it would literally send me into a downward spiral for days. The last straw came when we were at the mall one day looking at clothes. I found some really cute shorts on a rack and called her over to look at them. As we looked through the rack, she found a design she liked and pulled them out. "These are REALLY cute," she said," How much are they?" and took the tag in her hand. Immediately she dropped the tag like it was on fire and grunted, "Ugh! If I were that size I would KILL myself!" She hastily put them back on the rack and continued her search snickering to herself. Curious, I pulled the pair out and picked up the tag and looked.

They were a size 12. The size I wore.

I am sure she had no idea what size I wore, but that is just the point isn't it? We can't speak without thinking and slaughter people with our words. If we as women have come SO far… shouldn't that be part of it??

I am pretty sure I didn't buy anything that day. In fact, I am pretty sure we never went clothes shopping again. When I got home, Brian was livid. He couldn't understand why I continued to torture myself with her company, but back then I wasn't sure I deserved otherwise. Eventually, years and life drove our friendship apart and I now have friends that love me and make feel good about myself. Probably better then I deserve even, you know….REAL friends.

When my kids were small and squabbling as kids will do, I read an article by James Dobson that told about how he dealt with his own children when they would argue and fuss with each other. He would take them to the big window in front of their house and say, "See that out there? That is a big world. Not everybody in that world is going to like you and certainly, not everyone is going to have your best interest at heart. Inside these walls, we are family. We love each other, protect each other and look out for each other's best interest. In here as GOT to be a safe place because out there is not."

I did the same with my kids. I took them to the window at our house and I taught them to love each other. I still have people that tell me they have never seen a sibling group, even grown up- as close as my three kids. They were normal and had their squabbles, but nothing like lots of homes do. Even as adults they love and care for each other and each other's children, protect each other's best interest and speak with kindness. It is still extremely important to me. Of course, they still screw around and get on each other's nerves some, they aren't saints- just siblings, after all.

Right now, the masses of this world are selfish, self-seeking and for the most part rude. Even at Christmas time, it amazes me how unkind people are to each other in general out in public. We think we have come so far and yet, we still think our own little bubble is the most important bubble of all. The problem with bubbles is there isn't much room in them and they can be pretty lonely. If you don't learn to pop it, you could wind up with only yourself as your biggest fan.

I don't know about you; but if my own opinion of me was the only one I heard loud and clear that would be pretty scary.

I just had a thought about Glenda the Good Witch in the Wizard of Oz. You know how she traveled around in that bubble? Well, it was beautiful all pink and shiny… amazing the way it just transported her around…. But until she stepped out of it, she didn't even have enough room to wave her wand. She couldn't do any of the things she needed to do or be any of the things she needed to be until the bubble popped and she stepped into Munchkin Land. It's the same with us really. We have got to love self-lessly, forgive generously and live respectfully or we can never be who we are supposed to be. Especially as women.

For me, I need to direct some of that to myself… maybe a little wand waving in the mirror. For some of you, maybe there is someone in your life who would benefit from you stepping outside your bubble more often. Some of you sealed your bubble up a long time ago because someone hurt you deeply. I know how that feels too. Sometimes it's hard to trust again and the bubble is so safe, isn't it?

The thing is; Munchkin Land is so much more fun. You'll never hear the adoring cheers of the crowd below if you stay where it is safe.

Give yourself a gift of some adoring cheers this year at Christmas. Love, trust, venture out, take your big-pink-shiny walls down and live a little.

Merry Christmas