It seems like only yesterday that we were ending a home school year. The kids would be gathered around our dining room table finishing up their studies before lunch, maybe getting ready to head to a part-time job or some other type of activity. Our little poodle would be cuddled up on my son Jordan's lap and they would all be laughing and chatting about the upcoming summer. The windows would be open much like they are today and the sky would be full of song birds, with the smell of Spring and the anticipation of Easter in the air. I have so many wonderful memories of those homeschool years and of all the hard decisions that I made during their childhood, that is one that I know I got right. It all went by at such lightning speed that it is almost hard to grasp and as it slips further and further into our past, it brings mixed emotions of achievement and melancholy.
It has only been a few short months since we put our little Phoebe- a tiny black, 15 year old poodle; to rest. She wasn't even two pounds when we brought her home and we marveled at how we had purchased packages of hamburger that were bigger then she was! We carried her around on pillows and she slept with the boys, eventually migrating to Jordan alone and became a constant fixture at his side throughout the rest of her life, eventually loving his wife Chelsea almost as much as her beloved boy. She rode with me every day to pick them up at school and when we decided to home school she slept on Jordan's lap every day, without fail as he did his studies. She was sturdier then she looked and loved everyone even the constant parade of teenagers who eventually became young adults- that frequented our home. This past year; when we made the decision to put her to rest, she was incontinent and crying constantly. Knowing she was miserable made the decision final but not any easier. For Brian and I, it was like letting go of a part of our lives that we cherished- our children's childhood; and losing her was harder on all of us then any of us thought possible. I still miss her today and think about how she loved Spring in her later years because she finally felt warm after the long winter and she would run circles in the new grass until she was dizzy.
Our sweet little Phoeb, how we loved her.
Just yesterday we lost another long standing member of our family. One that announced childhood was over for our daughter and a new adventure had begun: her first car. I remember the day Brian took me to see it. Four thousand dollars seemed like an awful lot of money 10 years ago, to be spending on a "first" car for any of the kids, but he was worried about his girl and wanted something reliable for her. It was a little white, 4 door Ford Escort. Not brand new, but not too old either. It had low mileage and Brian had deemed it safe for his baby girl's first adventures in driving. What could I say? We brought it home and Cherith was delighted. She became my taxi for her brothers. Never turning down an opportunity to drive, she took them everywhere. Jordan and Luke also took some spins in the Escort early on in their own driving years before they moved on to more manly cars, but Cherith drove that Escort until she married BJ. She backed into a friend's car (we miss you Nicole- our Guardian Angel), went on some road trips, chauffeured countless girlfriends, her cousins and friends of her brothers around and took my Mom in it to pick out her cat at the SPCA (who has outlived the car) on her 17th birthday. Probably Brian's favorite memories of that car will always be one of his most recent ones. When Cherith and BJ decided to start a family, BJ agreed to buy Cherith a small SUV. With that, Cherith presented the well-worn car back to her Dad. He had tears in his eyes when he told me about it and laid the keys on our kitchen counter. The car he so carefully selected for his precious girl, that had kept her safe from harm and delivered her and her brothers to many destinations safely- was back in our driveway… but not for long.
Soon, Luke's car died and he needed a way to get back and forth to work. The little Escort was on the road again.
Oh, there were lots of parts replaced, oil changes and tinkering. But she puttered on for a full two years more for Luke and Sarah- that was until this past week.
Luke was dropping Lucy off last Monday and when he went to leave, the Escort made an awful noise and just gave up. He tried several times to start her up but to no avail. He took our extra vehicle and headed off to school but it didn't take long for his dad to access that the little car was probably beyond saving. Luke and his friend Brendan (Moo, Mama loves you J ) came back twice and tried to work on her but she was just done.
She had given us 10 years of her road life, and a hundred thousand miles, give or take-and she just couldn't do it anymore. The boys and Brian pushed her behind the fence by our house and closed the gate. Drank a beer in her honor and sadly said good-bye. Later when the boys left (Travis had arrived and joined in on the Car Funeral) and Brian came in the house we talked about how losing the little white car made us feel. It's funny how the silliest things can make you mourn days gone by- but loosing that car, choked us both up.
You see, Phoebe is gone now and Jordan's little girl; the one that now occupies his lap- is asleep in the other room right now.
Now instead of Cherith's car pulling into my driveway with the music cranked up and her singing at the top of her lungs, her daughter is running into my arms and singing Baa Baa Black Sheep to me.
The little car that safely transported Luke to work, Lucy to preschool and Sarah to the grocery- will never carry their new baby, Nora anywhere.
Soon, someone will tow the little car away and with it a little bit more of our past. Our sweet, sweet past full of home school and dreams, dance class and ball games. Trips to Taco Bell and Dairy Queen and to rescue a raggedy, abandoned Tortoise Shell cat and give her a better life then she ever deserved. Much like I feel today. Living a life that is so much more than I ever deserved. Still loving my grown kids and cuddling their little ones. Listening for Moo-Moo and Travis's voice coming in my door for a quick hug or special Hello.
Watching my husband tear up over the end of a little white car and the way it makes him think about a sweet 16 year old girl.
Goodbye, little car and thank you for keeping them all safe. You are a permanent part of our family tree.
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