Current Thoughts

I am having a rummage sale so I am pretty much a prisoner in my husband's personal space, the garage. It's hard to be out here and not think about Brian since he is everywhere here. When we made the move to this house, it was important for Brian- a landlord, handyman and the family mechanic; to have a work space to call his own. He loves it out here and has a TV, stereo, heat and air conditioning making it really nice for having a rummage sale. I don't think much about garages until I drive by someone else's house with their garage door up and see what they "call" a garage that is really just an extra storage unit, full to the top with junk. It is then that I appreciate the fact that I can get into my semi warm vehicle every morning to go to the gym, take groceries directly into the house without getting wet and have an extra refrigerator for food and drinks. Brian takes pride in keeping his garage clean and tidy, much like his life. He is a good and thoughtful man that loves his family and even his garage space reflects that.
From where I am seated, writing this- I can look around this space and see the things that are important to him. Over my head, there are several small posters of his favorite musicians because Brian loves music. I always tell him that he is the "fun" one in our marriage. I am the "serious, no nonsense, tell it like it is" one, and he is all festivals, popcorn and tickles. I tell him all the time that being married to him is just so much fun. For instance, he called me from work last week and said, "There is a band I want to hear downtown tonight- do you feel like going out?" Me? Want to go out? You BET!!!! I had been cooped up in the house all day cleaning so I got cleaned up, dressed and as soon as he got home- away we went; on a whim, no plan. That is how he is with things like that and I love it. We had so much fun and talked about how good the band was for days. It was funny because we thought they would have food so we didn't eat any dinner but when we got there all they had were snacks and beer so we both ate 2 snack packs of Lay's Potato Chips and drank Mad Anthony beer. It was perfect and I am sure that nothing else would have tasted that good. I just love being with him that way.
Next, there is a sign and a license plate. The sign says "Luke Skywalker" and it hung in our youngest son's room for 10 plus years. Brian loves his boys. He can't stand to part with it because it symbolizes Luke's childhood. Luke in his room building models, taking things apart to see how they work (he is now an Electrician's apprentice) sleeping peacefully and eventually with his little Lucy lying beside him on his bed. Brian sees all those things and more. When Luke was born Brian was so excited that the nurses asked me if it was our first boy. "Nope," I said, "That is just how he is." "You are a lucky girl." She replied.
She has no idea. I think that people are skeptical of how genuinely happy we appear. The other night we were with friends and the band starting playing "Pride and Joy" by Stevie Ray Vaughn and Brian started "singing" it to me- in his own silly way. He commented that people were just staring at him and smiling. I remarked that I think people don't believe that we are really this happy together but take my word for it- thirty years with this man isn't enough. I am praying for at least 50 more.
The license plate says, "I love Lucy" and it used to be on the front of my 2 door, Grand Am. I got rid of the car when my granddaughter (ironically named Lucy) was born because I couldn't get her car seat in and out easily. Lucy is our first granddaughter and she has changed our lives in wonderful ways. The plate hangs under the Luke Skywalker sign for obvious reasons since she is Luke's daughter. This is Brian's way.
Under the sign and plate is a small post-it note from our son Jordan. The note says :"Thanks for help with the yard Dad. Take it!!"
The "IT" was a twenty dollar bill that Jordan insisted on giving his dad after he had gone over and helped him with some things in his yard, 5 years ago. The yard belongs to Jordan's first house that he purchased right after he married his wife, Chelsea. They are symbols of his manhood; the house AND the twenty dollar bill. A good deed that his dad didn't have to do but did and money that didn't have to be paid but was. Brian was so moved by the fact that Jordan had given him that money that I don't know how long it was before he spent it.
In fact, I am not sure he ever did. Brian is so proud of his boys and he loves being their dad.
Next I see the can crusher. The can crusher is significant because we save cans for one of our adopted children that has a hard time in life and collects cans and metals to help support his family. We were his youth leaders over 20 yrs ago and he is still an active part of our family. Brian saves everything he can to help him and keeps it in a spot where he can easily retrieve it whenever he needs it whether we are home or not. This is also Brian's way. He is kind and helpful beyond belief . We have rental properties and anyone that is his tenant is one of the luckiest renters in Fort Wayne because he is the best. Our adopted children are lucky as well because he would drop anything to help them whenever they need him, much like our own biological children. Even if that thing is buying a can crusher which is small to us but huge to our adopted son- to him it says love and that is accurate because that is exactly what Brian meant.
Actions speak louder than words sometimes, lots of times with Brian. He is also the quiet one. One of us has to be.
Right next to the can crusher are two very different things that hang on the same hook. An old art smock that has our daughter's name painted on it and her dried Bridal bouquet.
I am not sure how old that smock is but I am guessing it is from 3^rd or 4^th grade, so it has seen better days- especially since its home is the garage. Cherith is her Daddy's girl and he loves her completely. When she was born we would just sit and stare at her because we couldn't believe that we had made her, she was just so beautiful. Last night I was showing something to Brian on Facebook and he saw that my screensaver on the laptop was Cherith and her daughter, Sage. "She is so beautiful- isn't she??" He asked quietly.
Some things never change.
On the day she got married I was worried he wouldn't be able to hold it together but he did really good- nerves can be a blessing sometimes. The pictures of their Father-Daughter dance together are so special. When I look at them I can remember him dancing around the room with her in his arms as a baby. She shares his appreciation of music and has the voice and rhythm that he wishes he had. The way he loves her is breath taking. I am sure that there are not many young women that have been adored in their lives as much as Cherith has. That may be because she is our only daughter as much as anything else, but I also think it is just because Brian knows how to love us SO well.
I have said before that if women were loved half as much as I have been in these last 30 years there would be less divorce and more babies in the world. Brian knows how to make his girls feel like nothing else matters but us. It is a gift he has and our daughter has blossomed under it. He is such a good daddy- and I can't see that smock or dried bouquet coming down anytime soon.
There is also an old pair of Luke's skateboarding shoes on a rack, a wooden chicken that won second place in a Science Fair for Jordan (if you pull on its tail it lays an egg…. really), wooden shelves that hold crock pots and party ware that I don't have room for in the house (my allotted space in his world), tools, brooms and projects the kids have done over the years that I would of thrown out long ago but now, I am so happy he salvaged. I have learned over the years that Brian's emotions are largely connected to objects. His music, his babies, his life- are all laid out in this garage and in that way, so is mine.
When I push the button for the garage door to open and his truck isn't here, my heart sinks. I hate coming home to a house without him in it. When he is out here piddling around, there is nothing I enjoy more than quietly coming through the door connected to our house and watching him for a couple minutes before he knows I am there. Usually he is in his Red Wing work boots with the music pumped up loud, bent over  something at his work bench.
It is those moments that I love to wrap my arms around him and lay my cheek on his back and hear him say, "Hey, baby." He always will say it just like that too. Sometimes he will add, "I am really dirty." and chuckle, but I don't mind. I love him dirty or clean and in this space. In my house. In my life. With our children's things around us, ready for the next 50 or so years.
These are the thoughts that flood my mind today, while my rummage sale is slow and I have drank enough black coffee to sink a small ship. It may be more than any of you wanted to know, but if you know me that is no surprise. I am who I am, I say what I mean and I love with all my heart. Whatever happens to me in this life, I hope what people remember is how much I loved my husband and how a rummage sale one summer made me write a blog that talked about it.
Maybe the next time you have a rummage sale you will have time to think about what is important to you too.
Those are thoughts worth thinking in my book. But maybe that is just me.